I smile.

As I sit in a cafe, I'm reading a book on institutional racism. It's less of a formal non-fiction book and more a collection of racism-related essays. Point being: I'm not reading what your typical person is sitting around reading. Most are looking at the newspaper, some gossip magazine, a novel of some sort, or something else. These are all fine things in some fashion, but not for me today. I'm reading about that damned four letter word and how it fits into our society everyday: race.

It's not always race that I read about. I also often tend to read about sexism or classicism. But today the topic is racism. 

As I read, I begin to notice behavioural patterns from many passer-bys. Most of them passing by are white, and most of them smile when making eye contact. Most of them smiling look at me, look at me reading a book, and then look back to offer the smile. I'm obviously no mind reader, so I can't possibly claim to know what they're thinking. But I can tell you what they're definitley not thinking. 

They're not thinking: "Oh, look at that nice young man reading. I'll bet he's reading on some sort of pressing social topic that would make me, should I ever step outside my comfort zone to take a look, think twice or even critically about the society I live in. I'll bet he's educating himself - voluntarily - on the existence and persistence of racism, sexism, classicism, religious intolerance, or xenophobia." 

Instead, I'll bet it's something else (if anything at all). It's more like "Look at that nice young man. He seems non-threatening, likely educated (I mean, he's reading, right?), and probably has a good future ahead of him. He's going to make America proud some day. God Bless the U.S.A." Consciously I'm sure many don't take the time to think these things, but deep down we'd all be kidding ourselves if it weren't programmed into our social wiring. Every word? No. The general idea? You bet your ass.

I don't mean to say that I don't want to make America proud. The thing is that what I feel would make America a better place, a country to be proud of, that is, is effectively erasing many of our cultural "norms" present and embedded in our social fabric. Does it mean disturbing the silence, rocking the boat, making some uncomfortable, or even getting apprehensive responses? Sure. But when did any change or critical self-reflection come about without any of that?

Yet I smile, because I know that they likely have no clue how wrong the mindset is that I described (if they're even conscious of it to begin with). I smile because I've got this information and I'm not going to use it the way that "Uncle Sam" would want me to. 

The same Uncle Sam who kept Jews in quotas from entering college to protect the WASP status quo. The same Uncle Sam who steamrolled over indigenous populations to amass land and power. The same Uncle Sam who denied human rights to blacks until just a few decades ago. The same Uncle Sam who told women they didn't really matter until a few decades before that even. The same Uncle Sam who felt it acceptable to steamroll over Iraq for it's own jingoistic interests. 

No, I don't think I'll be doing anything to help that Uncle Sam. I'd like to work to create a better America, even if it's down here in the grass with everybody else. This is where things actually happen. I'm not saying that America is terrible and that I'm here to tear it down and erect some radical, unliveable place for most people living here. However, there's plenty of room for America to be not only criticised, but chastised. I love the freedom I have. Especially the freedom to gather information to initiate change that rights wrongs and calls out injustice when I see it.

But until I am able to effectively initiate that change more strongly, I'll just smile as each person walks by.