My voice is heard, but not listened to. I'm seen, but don't matter. What matters are things that do not define me, and what defines me are things that do not matter to society at large. What matters to society is that I'm white, I'm male, I'm a valued customer, a compensated employee, a good college student, and a citizen with no criminal background. I have a social security number. I have decent credit. I pay my rent. I know the pledge of allegiance. These are some of the things that matter to my country that do not define me.
What defines me is that I want to work to erase what comes with being white by working towards justice, that I want to keep my non-religious head raised whenever Christians bow and pray in my company and not be considered rude or immoral. I want the troops out of the Middle East, knowing full well that it damages our interests abroad. Is it because I don't want America to have interests that aid it? No. I want America to have interests that do not subjugate and supercede the interests of those in the region. I want to see capitalism compromised for the good of the earth, it's people, and it's future.
I want to make sure I'm the most well-rounded, educated, and capable person that I can be before I have children. I want to do more for the people I love. I want to teach people and learn from people - everybody, not just people who look like me, talk like me, believe like me, or have lessons that are going to be convenient for me.
I want America to be redefined, rethought, and replenished. I know this means hard steps, hard times, and doing without. I'm ready for that, as difficult as it might be.
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7 comments:
Kindred spirits, you and I. This post could've easily appeared on my website, almost verbatim.
Well, except for the white male part!
Heh.
I'm with you on bringing about a change in "America", but where I get lost and disillusioned is in where to start. I'm aware that I have fellow ideologues all over the place - rare and spread out though they may be - but what can we do?
Godheval, it is nice to see your comments here. I write White Male but a lot of times White people mistake me for all types of different 'races'.
I ask myself the same question nearly every day. As far as a group movement, it's hard to say. I try to do my own individual acts of racial disobedience by writing such things and posting them around my college as "Illegals are not crossing the border. Illegals made the border", discuss racism and subjugation, imperialism when I can safely fit it in, but I get the same feeling after a while, that a big movement needs to happen.
Sometimes I wonder about how I reached this consciousness, how I grew the courage to even start speaking about it as well, and think that maybe for all of us the next step we reach is a group consciousness. Maybe it will come like the rest of these, when we least expect it. I wish there were a simpler answer.
You should think on that further - the "how" question, because I'm certainly interested to know. Because there is very little incentive for any Euro-American, particularly a male to be "conscious". Given the possibility for guilt, for shame, and the requirement for regular critical thinking, I'd even say that there are incentives NOT to be conscious.
So what was different for you? Parental influence? The friends you chose? Were you regularly in the company of people of color? Surely there must be some identifiable influence.
Or, are you beyond probability, a person who just didn't buy into the mainstream stupidity around race and racism because it was - obviously - stupid?
I'm not only curious, but I think the answers to these questions might inform future possibilities for getting other people on the right track.
I'll be frank with you, it was a litanty of things. But I think if I'm honest about it, I can trace the line of action chronologically to several events that took actions in shaping my mindset.
1. Having non-white family growing up. Believe it or not, this really did have an influence in how I shaped not only my relationships with others, but how I saw things as 'normal' or not, especially since many of them were and are culturally Hispanic.
2. Going to a school that had a high proportion of non-white students (predominantly Black in that category of about 40% students). It allowed me to be exposed to a group sitgmatized on TV. This led to,
3. My first close school friend, in 4th grade, was Black. Brian Trotty. We were friends for 2 years until he moved.
4. Moving to a predominantly white town in the South as a teen. It shocked me not only with the lack of diversity, but also the 'comfortability' and 'normality' of it all. It was almost as if nobody questioned it. Seeing the other side of this coin gave me a perspective as well.
5. Learning Spanish growing up with my cousins, especially in my teen years. It helped me look at such nativist, ethnocentric arguments like "them damn illegals don't learn our ways!" as pure bullshit, as irritating as it can be to hear them get away with it on TV.
And quite honestly, all of the above prepared me for two very important things (and I'm being completely honest here):
6. The first time I heard the phrase "White Privilege", as well as Whiteness, ethnocentrism, and institutional racism. Once I'd been walked through the other steps in life, I was ready to hear all of these new concepts put into words. It cleared up so many things. I will admit, I felt a little guilty at first. But, the following also helped:
7. Your video "I Don't Like White People". When you clarified what you meant by White people, white privilege, etc., it made a lot of sense to me.
This is why other whites see your video, the word white privilege, etc. and get angry. They have not gone through certain steps (be them exactly like mine, or other ones that would show them things first hand) that might give them an idea of how to accept what is conditioned to be thought of as "radical" and "threatening".
My two cents. :)
Another comment:
On this side of the action, I must admit that now that I've seen things for what they are, and see much of it repeated frequently week in and out, it has made me somewhat estranged from white people. I don't know how to go about talking to white people in subtle ways that I used to be able to. I know how many will take the critcism, opining, and points of view. It makes me afraid of losing my job and makes me wonder about how honest I can and should be with my future career as an educator.
I've lost two friends who were white already. My other friends are cousins (who are hispanic), two other kids who are mixed-ethnicity, and my girlfriend (who is Latina). I've only got one friend left who is White, and we don't really discuss this stuff often.
It also sucks, because I know a very liberal and socialistic man at work who is white. He opposses imperialism in the Middle East, votes Democratic, sees Capitalism for what it is, learns other cultures, yet is apprehensive to the idea of Whiteness, White Privilege, and the effects of it. It shocks me that one man could be so far educated in one way, yet still be grounded in conditioning in another.
Sometimes I feel like I took the pill in the Matrix that shows you the real shit around you, yet I have to go back everyday and live in it without being able to open my mouth.
So it's as I thought. The requirement is direct, regular, and authentic (key word) contact with people of color.
Even the most "vocal" white anti-racist, Tim Wise, always acknowledges how most of what he has to say comes directly from people of color.
Your experiences are interesting. Had your stint in the south occurred BEFORE your earlier childhood experiences with family and at school, I wonder just how much different you would've turned out.
As it happened, your Southern exposure came into direct conflict with ideas you already had via family/friends.
I can easily imagine the opposite experience where you would've encountered people of color but with white Southern preconceptions, and probably had difficulty reconciling those preconceptions with the realities you found amongst people of color - if you even felt a need to change your views at all.
How to establish this direct and authentic contact in any given situation - that is the challenge...
I often wonder how things might have gone differently as well. Had I not been raised outside of the south, I would have had little to no contact with my non-white family, and might very well have formed different preconceptions. The messages instilled in me by the media and the institutions I live in might have been much more of a stronger influence.
I think direct and authentic contact with non-white people is the key. This is why when I see white people use the existence of BET and the Black Caucus in Congress as a means to repell the advancement and progression of their ideas and perceptions of Black people, I get really worried.
On facebook, you may notice on my updates that I post questions or comments regarding race/ethnicity from time to time. I do this, knowing full well that white and non-white people may see them. I've decided to start working to stop hiding those thoughts. I remember reading in one of your essays that you were going to stop feigning an ethnic tie through your speech or actions just because of ones skin color. I noticed that at times I had been silent in the past when I heard comments, saw things, or knew of something that hinted at ideas of racial superiority coming from White people. I've stopped that now. I've encountered a lot of confusion from White people, even more estrangement, and surprise and suspicion amongst others (sometimes non-Whites are initially surprised or suspicious at hearing what I have to say). I've decided to live the change I want to see. It's a fuck-ton easier said than done, but I won't stop now.
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