Renouncing Whiteness: Saying it and doing it.

When I look at myself, I'm Jaime. I am a mix of recent English, Native American, Mexican, French, and German descendents. I enjoy playing guitar, basketball, reading, writing, and learning more about my car and how it works. However, to the people who matter, I'm White. I don't mean the government (well, partially I do). I mean the dominant culture - White culture. To them, no matter how much admixture I have, my phenotype tells them White. So, to them, White I will be. And this, whether I want it to or not, has an unmistakeable grip on my existence and shapes, at least in some ways, without my control the context in which I live and enjoy who I identify as personally. I am not a signatory of the contract of Whiteness, but I am, without my say-so, a beneficiary.

This is the dilemma in which a progressive minded, honest with oneself, anti-racist White person finds oneself. The vast majority of whites are likely not experiencing this dilemma because they haven't reached the realization of the world they actually live in. They haven't reached it because they don't yet have the ability to see it. They don't have the ability yet because they've been tricked; tricked by whiteness. Because they have not been taught how to think otherwise, they believe consciously or subconsciously, that the world they live in exists for a reason. To them, it may be that they benefit in ways that they may or may not acknowledge, but it's only because "everyone is an individual in this society" in their eyes, so that absolves them of any historical guilt or problems they may feel with respect to their current status. This narrative of the individualistic America, where everyone rose or fell on their own merits, where each man's predecessors worked hard to get their family to where they were is a dishonest portrayal of our society. The problem with this version is that it only includes Whites, and leaves out everyone else on whose shoulders White predecessors "worked their way up".

As another author has suggested, this is what the anti-racist White lives as the "White double consciousness". It is not the same as W.E.B. DuBois' "Black double consciousness", as Whites that are anti-racist do not necessarily need to view themselves in their image of subjugated groups to arrive at their place in this society (though listening to minority groups is a fundamental way to understand racial issues). The difference here is that the anti-racist White person also needs to see his/herself as they actually are in a historical sense. For instance, this realization does not mean saying that Whites do not work hard, or one persons White grandparents did not work hard, but only that the hard work was done with certain resources reserved for White competition at the detriment of racial minority inclusions. It is this double-consciousness that is necessary for anti-racist Whites to operate in, because they must know that this is true for them in a historical sense, but at the same time operate in a way that works against the large remnants still existing today.

It is not necessarily a conflict, self-loathing, or self-guilt trip, but actually sort of a tough love. It is finding out something about yourself that you may or may not have wanted to admit for so long, but once you do, you know it incontestably redefines you and your vision of yourself in the world. It also redefines how you see the people you know, the hobbies you have, the opinions you have, the people you identify with, and whether those things are conducive to the truth you've now uncovered about yourself and others around you.

The White double-consciousness means that Whites cannot simply renounce their Whiteness as a token measure, but they must act, think, and feel their renunciation. How does a White person do this? That is the journey that I'm on and have been on for some time. Maybe there is no set "way". However, one may argue that this blog in and of itself is a manifestation of my attempts to define that "way". Maybe only through serious self-reflection, cultural critique, and authentic relationships with like-minded individuals of both White and POC groups can a White person find his/her way. Wherever the path may lead, there is no turning back, so long as injustice and dishonesty cloud the social collective on race, as well as other forms of social divisions.