More and more these days I'm noticing stares. I don't tend to get these stares when I'm alone, so I've scratched out (for the most part) the notion that the stares I refer to come as a result of having not brushed my hair, worn a shirt that may attract attention, or some other reason. I notice I tend to get the stares when I'm with my girlfriend.
She at times notices it less than I do, and sometimes seems to notice it as much as I do, but nonetheless, I can't count on any specific number of hands how many stares my girlfriend and I both get when walking in public, particularly holding hands.
It's not a stare with any kind of rude look (well, 85% of the time, let's say). It's usually a blank stare, but with a hint of an invesitagtive look. It's almost as if the person is asking themselves, "I wonder what that's all about?" I only assume this internal possibility because of certain questions I've been asked in the past (and to which I've referred in a recent post). I'll get questions, questions that the asker feels are innocuous but to me reveal an ignorant mindset. I've been asked whether I'm "into Mexican girls", "just not that attracted to white girls", etc. These kinds of questions tell me that we're not seen as "normal" in the person's eyes.
Before I go on, let me make clear: I am not saying that everybody that I make eye contact with while in public with my girl is giving me the afforementioned stare. I am only referring to instances in which I am certain an obvious prolonged glare has taken place.
Now, here's where apologists rush in. "Come on. Interracial couples are not the norm, so why would they view you as one?" If the asker were truly inquisitive about our social status as a rarity situation, wouldn't the questions be less directed at my motives (or hers) and more about our situation? For instance, I'm seldom asked whether we are subjects of racist comments, stares, or actions, or whether we face or have faced pressure from society, family, or friends to date "within our race". Those would be questions pertaining to our social situation.
The subject matter of questions asked pertaining to my relationship and the frequency and nature of the stares given tell me that there is a good likelihood that they are less an expression of social curiosity and more one of preconceived ideas about who we are and why we date.
To review shortly, a couple of tips on speaking to people in interracial relationships:
1. If it is a non-verbal environment, don't stare unless they are giving you a reason to stare (like, anything your "average" couple would do: making out in public, for instance).
2. Instead of revealing yourself to be someone of limited social couth, please don't ask ridiculous questions or make stupid comments like "So you don't think Mexican guys are cute?", "Got jungle fever, eh?", or "Have you always liked (insert racial group here)?" It presumes that the person dating chose that person on the foundation of a skin color grouping and not based off of personal traits. It's insulting. And no, I don't give a shit if you have some interracial couple friends that "don't mind" having been asked that. Having self-respect isn't a pre-requisite for living in our society, sadly.
Now, go out there and don't fuck this one up. :)
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